Thank you for your faithful diligence in creating this website and sharing your thoughts. I have benefitted greatly. Sometimes I envy the way your mind works and can process information the way it does, but I understand we each have our journey and way of processing that God has handed us.
I write here because I appreciate what you shared in this article. You noted in your timeline that the theological landscape on the east coast is different than that of the west coast. I have found this to be so true. As you said, I too have realized I am not generically Christian, but specifically Evangelical and Reformed. Although I was not raised reformed, my understanding of the scriptures ( which I believe to be the guiding of the Holy Spirit) has led me to recognize it as Truth. Yet, I have not been satisfied with what I notice around me; inconsistent, unstable authority that private judgement brings. I have gained a lot from private judgment, but to be frank, it is usually in conjunction to some higher authority that I believe to be the keepers of truth. As I learn about the theological landscape in Virginia (friends that Eastern Orthodox, Reformed Baptist, and just your run of the mill Christian who doesn't seem to fit into any of these), I become upset. I start to despair. Who's right? Why should I trust your reading of the scriptures? Why is there so much division when Christ prayed for unity? Would not God the Father answer His one and only Son's prayers? I see a lot of inconsistency and lack of certainty. And I don't like that. How can I say I heard from God this (say a doctrinal statement) when my friend says he heard God say that (a different doctrinal statement on the same matter)? I don't like this uncertainty.
Anyways, to not keep you reading for too long, I am not comfortable. I am not comfortable in my local nondenom-Lutheran-Reformed-Independent-Baptist-Bible-Fellowship-Pentecostal-Episcopal Church of Christ! I have been asking Christ, and I will keep asking. I have peace that Christ hears me. But other than that, I am not in peace when it comes to defending why I hold such and such things about my current standing with my Church (basically why I am confident they're right....because I'm not confident). I am searching for peace with that. Eric I just wanted to let you know, I am not letting myself off the hook. TRUST ME! I want to follow and obey Christ, that is my upmost desire. And yet, right now what you are saying, I just cannot fully believe yet. But I pray that God leads me to believe that which is right and pure. You are right, the facts we assent to are largely out of our voluntary control, and we must assent to the doctrine (a higher Truth determined outside of us) and pray that God brings us to full belief. As I write this I know my friends and family would be very upset if I said, 'I will consider the Catholic Church', I mean even writing that gave me chills. But, I must do my diligence as a follower of God and seeking him as he asks us to. With humility. I don't know where I will end up. All I know is so far you are doing a good job at making the Catholic Church not be the Heresy I was raised believing it was. It's really hard and it seems very unlikely I'll be a Catholic, but honestly who knows. If it's true, it's true. And I just pray God reveals to me what is true. I need to take more time to just dive in and seek. If you have any advice to taking time to really grapple with what Christ offers, I would love it. Should I run away to an island for 6 months? I'm not a reader like you, what other things could I do? Cause to be honest, it's painful all the thinking I undergo and all the doubts and self-reflection this brings. I know something beautiful will occur at the end, but it hurts man. Pray for me.
Thanks Eric, looking forward to whenever we reconnect next!
It sounds like we're kindred spirits. I'm working on a new section of the website that will serve as a guide for folks with different dispositions as they work through all this. To put it briefly, some of us are motived by a burning desire to know the truth and to live in accord with it. Others are more drawn to beauty and goodness, which are also respectable and ought not be looked down on. But for those us who burn hottest for the True, it is a feeling of absolute vertigo to be unmoored this dramatically. I remember walking around Princeton feeling like the pavement was falling out from under me. As you say, it is tempting to despair. Yet I believe this very angst is one of the best fuels for finding a deeper hope. Here are your rock-solid anchors: God loves you, God loves everyone else, and God wills that we would be "led into all truth." When you really deeply internalize those three propositions, I believe the only solution is Rome. But I spent the better part of two years trying things, looking for different strategies to square the last with the first two. I welcome you to try the same, but I've yet to see reason to believe there's another serious contender out there. While you search, hold on for all you're worth to God's love for you and His desire that you would be able to enjoy "life, and life to the full."
For what it's worth, I also remember finding it nearly impossible to say things like, "I'm thinking about becoming Catholic." There's still evidence of it in my main essay, where I tried to hedge a bit on the name. But now, on the other side, I feel how a newlywed must feel when he gets to call his bride "My wife" for the first time. Don't worry about all that for now. No need to run to an island. Here's what you should do:
-If it's helpful, keep reading here. Folks like you, who love the Lord and have a Protestant background, are exactly who I write for.
-Start going to Mass whenever you can, and Adoration if you can find it nearby. Connect with a priest after the service and ask about OCIA (you may hear some people call it RCIA, the old name). These are weekly classes that do not commit you to being Confirmed but will start to put you in touch with the key Catholic teachings BY CATHOLICS rather than our detractors. I also am happy to take questions here!
-You don't have to be a massive reader. It helps, but it's not necessary. What you really need is a good conversation partner/guide that you can ask a million questions to. That's sort of the purpose of this site, if you have no one else around. Catholic Answers is reliable, and churchfathers.org has a LOT from the Early Church. At the same time, books are very helpful. I recommend seeing if your local public library has a subscription to Hoopla or Overdrive/Libby. Those audiobook platforms will give you access to lots of great content. I recommend especially The Lamb's Supper by Scott Hahn, The Jewish Roots of the Eucharist by Brant Pitre, and Love Unveiled by George Weigel. The last is a great introduction/overview of Catholic thought. As far as podcasts go, Scott Hahn's Road to Emmaus has a lot of good content, as he was a Presbyterian pastor before he became Catholic. The Thomistic Institute has a lot of good stuff but it's very academic. Catholic Answers has a good podcast. There's also Catechism and Bible in a Year by Father Mike Shmitz, which would be a great way to get (in the Catechism podcast) a thorough acquaintance with official Church teaching on everything from Scripture to ethics to history or (in Bible in a Year) an extensive introduction to Catholic interpretations of Scripture, not to mention a chance to go through the Deuterocanon.
In all this, take heart. God will continue to take care of you. I will certainly pray for you. I was actually planning to write an argument soon for Catholicism based on the precise lack of clarity that you're currently in the middle of. It was perhaps that more than anything that drove me to Rome. If only Sola Scriptura were true, or even tenable! In the meantime, God will sustain you and look upon your desire to love and know Him as a pleasing and acceptable sacrifice.
Hey Eric,
Thank you for your faithful diligence in creating this website and sharing your thoughts. I have benefitted greatly. Sometimes I envy the way your mind works and can process information the way it does, but I understand we each have our journey and way of processing that God has handed us.
I write here because I appreciate what you shared in this article. You noted in your timeline that the theological landscape on the east coast is different than that of the west coast. I have found this to be so true. As you said, I too have realized I am not generically Christian, but specifically Evangelical and Reformed. Although I was not raised reformed, my understanding of the scriptures ( which I believe to be the guiding of the Holy Spirit) has led me to recognize it as Truth. Yet, I have not been satisfied with what I notice around me; inconsistent, unstable authority that private judgement brings. I have gained a lot from private judgment, but to be frank, it is usually in conjunction to some higher authority that I believe to be the keepers of truth. As I learn about the theological landscape in Virginia (friends that Eastern Orthodox, Reformed Baptist, and just your run of the mill Christian who doesn't seem to fit into any of these), I become upset. I start to despair. Who's right? Why should I trust your reading of the scriptures? Why is there so much division when Christ prayed for unity? Would not God the Father answer His one and only Son's prayers? I see a lot of inconsistency and lack of certainty. And I don't like that. How can I say I heard from God this (say a doctrinal statement) when my friend says he heard God say that (a different doctrinal statement on the same matter)? I don't like this uncertainty.
Anyways, to not keep you reading for too long, I am not comfortable. I am not comfortable in my local nondenom-Lutheran-Reformed-Independent-Baptist-Bible-Fellowship-Pentecostal-Episcopal Church of Christ! I have been asking Christ, and I will keep asking. I have peace that Christ hears me. But other than that, I am not in peace when it comes to defending why I hold such and such things about my current standing with my Church (basically why I am confident they're right....because I'm not confident). I am searching for peace with that. Eric I just wanted to let you know, I am not letting myself off the hook. TRUST ME! I want to follow and obey Christ, that is my upmost desire. And yet, right now what you are saying, I just cannot fully believe yet. But I pray that God leads me to believe that which is right and pure. You are right, the facts we assent to are largely out of our voluntary control, and we must assent to the doctrine (a higher Truth determined outside of us) and pray that God brings us to full belief. As I write this I know my friends and family would be very upset if I said, 'I will consider the Catholic Church', I mean even writing that gave me chills. But, I must do my diligence as a follower of God and seeking him as he asks us to. With humility. I don't know where I will end up. All I know is so far you are doing a good job at making the Catholic Church not be the Heresy I was raised believing it was. It's really hard and it seems very unlikely I'll be a Catholic, but honestly who knows. If it's true, it's true. And I just pray God reveals to me what is true. I need to take more time to just dive in and seek. If you have any advice to taking time to really grapple with what Christ offers, I would love it. Should I run away to an island for 6 months? I'm not a reader like you, what other things could I do? Cause to be honest, it's painful all the thinking I undergo and all the doubts and self-reflection this brings. I know something beautiful will occur at the end, but it hurts man. Pray for me.
Thanks Eric, looking forward to whenever we reconnect next!
Great to hear from you, Jonathan!
It sounds like we're kindred spirits. I'm working on a new section of the website that will serve as a guide for folks with different dispositions as they work through all this. To put it briefly, some of us are motived by a burning desire to know the truth and to live in accord with it. Others are more drawn to beauty and goodness, which are also respectable and ought not be looked down on. But for those us who burn hottest for the True, it is a feeling of absolute vertigo to be unmoored this dramatically. I remember walking around Princeton feeling like the pavement was falling out from under me. As you say, it is tempting to despair. Yet I believe this very angst is one of the best fuels for finding a deeper hope. Here are your rock-solid anchors: God loves you, God loves everyone else, and God wills that we would be "led into all truth." When you really deeply internalize those three propositions, I believe the only solution is Rome. But I spent the better part of two years trying things, looking for different strategies to square the last with the first two. I welcome you to try the same, but I've yet to see reason to believe there's another serious contender out there. While you search, hold on for all you're worth to God's love for you and His desire that you would be able to enjoy "life, and life to the full."
For what it's worth, I also remember finding it nearly impossible to say things like, "I'm thinking about becoming Catholic." There's still evidence of it in my main essay, where I tried to hedge a bit on the name. But now, on the other side, I feel how a newlywed must feel when he gets to call his bride "My wife" for the first time. Don't worry about all that for now. No need to run to an island. Here's what you should do:
-If it's helpful, keep reading here. Folks like you, who love the Lord and have a Protestant background, are exactly who I write for.
-Start going to Mass whenever you can, and Adoration if you can find it nearby. Connect with a priest after the service and ask about OCIA (you may hear some people call it RCIA, the old name). These are weekly classes that do not commit you to being Confirmed but will start to put you in touch with the key Catholic teachings BY CATHOLICS rather than our detractors. I also am happy to take questions here!
-You don't have to be a massive reader. It helps, but it's not necessary. What you really need is a good conversation partner/guide that you can ask a million questions to. That's sort of the purpose of this site, if you have no one else around. Catholic Answers is reliable, and churchfathers.org has a LOT from the Early Church. At the same time, books are very helpful. I recommend seeing if your local public library has a subscription to Hoopla or Overdrive/Libby. Those audiobook platforms will give you access to lots of great content. I recommend especially The Lamb's Supper by Scott Hahn, The Jewish Roots of the Eucharist by Brant Pitre, and Love Unveiled by George Weigel. The last is a great introduction/overview of Catholic thought. As far as podcasts go, Scott Hahn's Road to Emmaus has a lot of good content, as he was a Presbyterian pastor before he became Catholic. The Thomistic Institute has a lot of good stuff but it's very academic. Catholic Answers has a good podcast. There's also Catechism and Bible in a Year by Father Mike Shmitz, which would be a great way to get (in the Catechism podcast) a thorough acquaintance with official Church teaching on everything from Scripture to ethics to history or (in Bible in a Year) an extensive introduction to Catholic interpretations of Scripture, not to mention a chance to go through the Deuterocanon.
In all this, take heart. God will continue to take care of you. I will certainly pray for you. I was actually planning to write an argument soon for Catholicism based on the precise lack of clarity that you're currently in the middle of. It was perhaps that more than anything that drove me to Rome. If only Sola Scriptura were true, or even tenable! In the meantime, God will sustain you and look upon your desire to love and know Him as a pleasing and acceptable sacrifice.
The best is yet to come!